It's working!

Hesitantly I broadcast my faith and faith journey, starting by logging in here today: hesitantly because I don't want to be judged by cohorts or future employers, but logging in today because I don't want to lose the memories of this journey and I feel that by keeping it to myself, I'm not sharing the Gospel as the Bible and Jesus compel me to.

But the course I've set out for myself is working, and I'm so very excited about it that I can hardly contain myself for just a few words at the least. I'm going to try to be coherent here; please don't judge if this post is a little out of sorts. I'm going to try and simply state what has been going on with me spiritually in the past month, because for me it has been the start of a wonderful adventure and relationship with God.

I started reading some of the many books on my bookshelf a few weeks ago. I've been trying to get more involved in the church and its ministry since moving back to Davis a year ago, so I bought a copy of _Theology: the Basics_ by Alister E. McGrath to read along with Pastor J. It's kind of dense but has been answering some of the toughest questions a Christian might have about their faith by quoting some of the biggest names in Christian theology over the years, and so I've found it helpful for that sake.

I also started and finished reading _How to Hear from God_ by Joyce Meyer, which began to answer for me the major question "Now that I have started to pray to God in earnest, how do I hear His answers?" Reading the Bible, listening to others, prophecy, dreams, little inner voices, supernatural occurrences and listening to one's self speak are all ways suggested within the book.

And _God's Joyful Surprise_, by Sue Monk Kidd, advocates meditation. Now, today I just went to the library and found a book all about mindfulness and how to meditate. I think this is a small sign that meditation will be helpful, and the words of a fellow Christian advocating meditation as a way to commune with Christ are coming back to me as an early sign for something that I wasn't ready for then, but am now. Funny how life works like that. Something that wasn't appealing or even appearing helpful now appears to be a number one way to pray to God now.

Another book I read and highly recommend for those looking for Christian advice and humor is _My Monestary is a Minivan_ by Denise Roy. It is a book about a woman who went through a Catholic seminary only to become a priest to her four children instead of becoming a minister. It has a belly laugh or two within each of the stories, and is generally good clean fun with some helpful tips on building faith.

I recieved a devotional book from my Secret Prayer Partner at the revelatory meeting we held on Palm Sunday which I've been reading. Today's reading made me so happy: I had written earlier elsewhere that I was pretty sure God would turn my mustard seed of faith into enough faith before my death to send me to Heaven, although I was still a little unsure. Today's reading read: "You know that you will reach your home in My perfect timing: not one moment too soon or too late. Let the hope of heaven encourage you..." How encouraging is that! I was very excited.

And just yesterday, I was planning to look through the Christian books on the shelves at the Yolo County library. But first, I met with my Yolo Reads student, whom I am teaching English. I have rethought my decision to take the position since starting, because teaching has been considerably tougher than I thought it would be, but we had a fairly interesting, fun and rewarding conversation yesterday. What made it so? Instead of an agenda, ("let's teach grammar today" or "let's review adjectives"), we simply talked, and I corrected her sentences and defined words for her as we progressed. We got to know each other and our lives and work and faiths better as we conversed, and it was a real nice session overall. She is a Muslim and I am a Christian, and we talked about religion and the points our religions have in common, both being Abrahamic faiths. Then, after the session, I went to the shelves in search of a new book on Christianity. I threw out an open prayer to God: God, bring me something that will expand my faith and bring me closer to You. And then I saw it.

_The Faith Club_ is about three women, one Muslim, one Christian, and one Jew. It is about how they met for months to discuss the differences and the sameness of their religions and cultures. This, right after my discussion with my Islamic student, seemed just the right subject to ponder. And when I told my mother I was reading it, she responded enthusiastically that she, too, had read it, with her book club at church. So I am fairly sure that God picked the book out for me. Why? I think maybe to remind me that Christianity is not the only religion on Earth, and that to understand someone else's religion is to understand part of who they are. Perhaps I cannot truly understand my student as a person without at least a small background of what and why she believes what she does. The book looks like it can help me with that, or at least help frame questions for our next session together.

I was raised in a Christian family, but my parents have always advocated appreciation for the world, in all its variety. Liberals would find me conservative in my adherence to Christianity, Republican Christians too liberal for their tastes. I did, after all, read all three Anne Lamott's books on faith and loved them for her advocacy of a Christian life within a liberal political sphere. So does that mean that I fit in nowhere, or everywhere? I think it just means I have the ability to love across the board, love the Conservatives for their great love for Christ and Christianity, love Liberals for their open mindedness in approaching those from other backgrounds and their care of God's environment. Not to pigeonhole those two parties for those things; I love them for more reasons than those, but those are the ones that I thought of right away.

I understand that this is sticky stuff to be wading in or publishing on the web, but I truly feel like if I can love everyone, the details don't matter so much. So I am throwing myself out there and following the treasure hunt trail God is providing to me, each book drawing me closer to Him and to reading His Word, the Bible. And perhaps sharing this journey will help someone else in their journey to put Him number one as well. I can only hope.

treasure trove

Every time my parents find an old box of CDs rearranging their collection, interesting things appear. Right now I'm listening to a mix CD I made ten years ago, with some songs I feel I haven't ever heard before... RNB, jazz, South Park characters ruining the theme from Titanic... It's all good.

Is it all good? I think I say that too easily about life: not everything in life IS all good, in fact most of it's not, but it seems like a nice positive statement about life as long as things aren't going horribly wrong.

Ooh, "J'aime la vie" is playing! It's some upbeat hit song from the French eighties, which like the Canadian eighties, didn't happen until the US nineties. I believe. It's all good.

The Hunger Games

Well, I'm starting living in a new house with new housemates and starting a new job with new coworkers and starting a new blog (semi-new, I have used this page before, as you can see by the 09 blogs), and if I'm starting a new blog, it should be about stuff that other people are interested in... If I was going to blog for myself I would simply write in my journal (which I do more and more, but it's stuff I write for me or for God, and even telling you that feels a little out of my comfort zone). No, I want to share thoughts I have with you, my reader, and thus I choose a safe topic: the Harry Potter / Twilight novel / movie set of this year, The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins. If you have not read it / see it, I will try not to spoil it for you, but I do have to reveal a couple things, so don't read on if you hate spoilers.

Do I recommend it? Yes and no. It's fascinating as a novel, you can't put it down, you have to make sure the characters you care about are alive. The plot, to be brief about it, is that in a post-apocolyptic world, post-rebellion Panem where the US used to be, once a year Hunger Games are held and televised. The Games pit 24 youngsters (teens) against each other, two from each District that surround the Capitol (the ruling district). They must destroy each other until one remains alive, as a reminder to all involved that the Capitol will never forget the rebellion held against them. The main character, Katniss, takes her sister's place in the Games to save her from certain death. The Games are bloody and awful, but there is a lesson to be learned here: watching violence is as condoning of it as if one was there participating in the gore one's self, and a world ruled by such entertainers is an immoral and evil world. We in the US, the book seems to be telling us, need to be on constant vigil against our own country becoming such a place.

So, yes, the book has a point, and is hard to put down. But I feel like the whole point of the book is ruined by the creation of a movie about the book. The lesson of the book is that watching humans kill for sport is a type of entertainment best left to those of ancient Rome watching sports in the Colosseum. And my thought is, here's a Catch 22: if you watch the movie and all that violence, are you really any better than the people in the Capitol or the Districts that support the Games? And the answer to that, I feel, is emphatically NO. I think even me finishing the book felt a little hypocritical on my part. That said, the end of the book being unfinished, there being two more books and me wanting to see the Hunger Games stopped for good, I may actually read the second two novels as well. But let me just say, I enjoyed the Traveling Pants novels by Ann Brashares much better as a book option for teens and adults. They may not be thrillers, but it's nice to read a book without violence.

music for the season

Watermelon Music is a fun place to be. I wandered in there the other day with friends (we were waiting for a movie to start) and instantly found two books of arrangements of musicals, my typical Watermelon fare. Then, after buying them, I realized they have holiday music on sale, including clarinet music with accompaniment. It's addicting to learn a new instrument... so much to explore, so much to try. I was good and stuck to my two musicals (today, Billy Joel's Movin' Out and Nunsense), but now I know where the clarinet arrangements are... :P Of course, with the musicians we have at church, it's quite likely that now that E has found his clarinet, we can just play straight out of the hymnal as a clarinet duo, playing the alto and soprano lines. Either way, I'm looking forward to playing the clarinet more often in church. It's been simpler for me to learn than other instruments like brass or flutes. I just need to branch out from pieces written in B flat... :P

yays and boos.

Yay! Dinner with a friend.

Boo! Late to rehearsal.

Yay! nifty new shoes in the mail.

Boo! Friends backing out of going to see a movie.

Yay! finding a new musical I haven't played thru yet.

Boo! Not getting any homework done.

Yay! People reading and responding to my blog.

Boo! Spending Friday night working on homework and cleaning the house.

Yay! Being alive.

I will leave this on the positive note, because today, for the very first day in a long time, I was happy to be living my own life and not someone else's. Yay!

vent about singing

Last night at rehearsal I was told that my voice is loud (high?) enough to shatter windows. I'm not sure whether to take this as a compliment or an insult... I'm fairly sensitive about my voice. I am always trying to make it better, which means experimenting with different sounds and the use / removal of vibrato. I started out as an alto in high school, sang second soprano for awhile and then became a soprano I in college, which I remain. I love love love singing high notes... there's a certain indescribable feeling that one feels when hitting them. But I've been told more than once recently that people hear me without a microphone as well as they hear others who are miked. In fact, one friend could hear me singing while they were in the bathroom at church... The main problem, of course, is that I cannot hear myself sing. However, I'm trying to listen and learn by what I hear from the speakers when I am miked. If you know me and have heard me sing, I would love pointers as to how to get the nicest sound. I fully believe I have the ability to be a good singer; I just need to keep practicing. So, don't be shy. Give me a comment.

footing the bill

It's interesting how the check gets split between a man and a woman. If you're with a friend, you either split the check or take turns footing the bill, if you see them on a regular enough basis that noone forgets who was last. If you're with a man, however, things get more complicated. If you want to stay friends and no more, you have to pay your half of the bill, always, like clockwork, so you don't owe him anything. If you like him as more than a friend, you still have to pay your half of the bill if you're going out as friends. If you tried to get him to pay and he wasn't going to, you've just embarrassed yourself by telling him implicitly you thought the meal was a date, when he very well could have thought it was just an outing with friends. So you don't dare not paying then. In fact, there are only two situations where he will pay. First, if he insists on paying, you don't have to pay unless (see situation one) you don't want anything more. Second, if you actually are going out, he should be paying for you at least part of the time. See how complicated this becomes? You have to worry about what he's thinking and guess his thoughts in almost all situations, which can be tricky. And these are just relationship rules for eating out... Life is so difficult!