It's working!

Hesitantly I broadcast my faith and faith journey, starting by logging in here today: hesitantly because I don't want to be judged by cohorts or future employers, but logging in today because I don't want to lose the memories of this journey and I feel that by keeping it to myself, I'm not sharing the Gospel as the Bible and Jesus compel me to.

But the course I've set out for myself is working, and I'm so very excited about it that I can hardly contain myself for just a few words at the least. I'm going to try to be coherent here; please don't judge if this post is a little out of sorts. I'm going to try and simply state what has been going on with me spiritually in the past month, because for me it has been the start of a wonderful adventure and relationship with God.

I started reading some of the many books on my bookshelf a few weeks ago. I've been trying to get more involved in the church and its ministry since moving back to Davis a year ago, so I bought a copy of _Theology: the Basics_ by Alister E. McGrath to read along with Pastor J. It's kind of dense but has been answering some of the toughest questions a Christian might have about their faith by quoting some of the biggest names in Christian theology over the years, and so I've found it helpful for that sake.

I also started and finished reading _How to Hear from God_ by Joyce Meyer, which began to answer for me the major question "Now that I have started to pray to God in earnest, how do I hear His answers?" Reading the Bible, listening to others, prophecy, dreams, little inner voices, supernatural occurrences and listening to one's self speak are all ways suggested within the book.

And _God's Joyful Surprise_, by Sue Monk Kidd, advocates meditation. Now, today I just went to the library and found a book all about mindfulness and how to meditate. I think this is a small sign that meditation will be helpful, and the words of a fellow Christian advocating meditation as a way to commune with Christ are coming back to me as an early sign for something that I wasn't ready for then, but am now. Funny how life works like that. Something that wasn't appealing or even appearing helpful now appears to be a number one way to pray to God now.

Another book I read and highly recommend for those looking for Christian advice and humor is _My Monestary is a Minivan_ by Denise Roy. It is a book about a woman who went through a Catholic seminary only to become a priest to her four children instead of becoming a minister. It has a belly laugh or two within each of the stories, and is generally good clean fun with some helpful tips on building faith.

I recieved a devotional book from my Secret Prayer Partner at the revelatory meeting we held on Palm Sunday which I've been reading. Today's reading made me so happy: I had written earlier elsewhere that I was pretty sure God would turn my mustard seed of faith into enough faith before my death to send me to Heaven, although I was still a little unsure. Today's reading read: "You know that you will reach your home in My perfect timing: not one moment too soon or too late. Let the hope of heaven encourage you..." How encouraging is that! I was very excited.

And just yesterday, I was planning to look through the Christian books on the shelves at the Yolo County library. But first, I met with my Yolo Reads student, whom I am teaching English. I have rethought my decision to take the position since starting, because teaching has been considerably tougher than I thought it would be, but we had a fairly interesting, fun and rewarding conversation yesterday. What made it so? Instead of an agenda, ("let's teach grammar today" or "let's review adjectives"), we simply talked, and I corrected her sentences and defined words for her as we progressed. We got to know each other and our lives and work and faiths better as we conversed, and it was a real nice session overall. She is a Muslim and I am a Christian, and we talked about religion and the points our religions have in common, both being Abrahamic faiths. Then, after the session, I went to the shelves in search of a new book on Christianity. I threw out an open prayer to God: God, bring me something that will expand my faith and bring me closer to You. And then I saw it.

_The Faith Club_ is about three women, one Muslim, one Christian, and one Jew. It is about how they met for months to discuss the differences and the sameness of their religions and cultures. This, right after my discussion with my Islamic student, seemed just the right subject to ponder. And when I told my mother I was reading it, she responded enthusiastically that she, too, had read it, with her book club at church. So I am fairly sure that God picked the book out for me. Why? I think maybe to remind me that Christianity is not the only religion on Earth, and that to understand someone else's religion is to understand part of who they are. Perhaps I cannot truly understand my student as a person without at least a small background of what and why she believes what she does. The book looks like it can help me with that, or at least help frame questions for our next session together.

I was raised in a Christian family, but my parents have always advocated appreciation for the world, in all its variety. Liberals would find me conservative in my adherence to Christianity, Republican Christians too liberal for their tastes. I did, after all, read all three Anne Lamott's books on faith and loved them for her advocacy of a Christian life within a liberal political sphere. So does that mean that I fit in nowhere, or everywhere? I think it just means I have the ability to love across the board, love the Conservatives for their great love for Christ and Christianity, love Liberals for their open mindedness in approaching those from other backgrounds and their care of God's environment. Not to pigeonhole those two parties for those things; I love them for more reasons than those, but those are the ones that I thought of right away.

I understand that this is sticky stuff to be wading in or publishing on the web, but I truly feel like if I can love everyone, the details don't matter so much. So I am throwing myself out there and following the treasure hunt trail God is providing to me, each book drawing me closer to Him and to reading His Word, the Bible. And perhaps sharing this journey will help someone else in their journey to put Him number one as well. I can only hope.

treasure trove

Every time my parents find an old box of CDs rearranging their collection, interesting things appear. Right now I'm listening to a mix CD I made ten years ago, with some songs I feel I haven't ever heard before... RNB, jazz, South Park characters ruining the theme from Titanic... It's all good.

Is it all good? I think I say that too easily about life: not everything in life IS all good, in fact most of it's not, but it seems like a nice positive statement about life as long as things aren't going horribly wrong.

Ooh, "J'aime la vie" is playing! It's some upbeat hit song from the French eighties, which like the Canadian eighties, didn't happen until the US nineties. I believe. It's all good.

The Hunger Games

Well, I'm starting living in a new house with new housemates and starting a new job with new coworkers and starting a new blog (semi-new, I have used this page before, as you can see by the 09 blogs), and if I'm starting a new blog, it should be about stuff that other people are interested in... If I was going to blog for myself I would simply write in my journal (which I do more and more, but it's stuff I write for me or for God, and even telling you that feels a little out of my comfort zone). No, I want to share thoughts I have with you, my reader, and thus I choose a safe topic: the Harry Potter / Twilight novel / movie set of this year, The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins. If you have not read it / see it, I will try not to spoil it for you, but I do have to reveal a couple things, so don't read on if you hate spoilers.

Do I recommend it? Yes and no. It's fascinating as a novel, you can't put it down, you have to make sure the characters you care about are alive. The plot, to be brief about it, is that in a post-apocolyptic world, post-rebellion Panem where the US used to be, once a year Hunger Games are held and televised. The Games pit 24 youngsters (teens) against each other, two from each District that surround the Capitol (the ruling district). They must destroy each other until one remains alive, as a reminder to all involved that the Capitol will never forget the rebellion held against them. The main character, Katniss, takes her sister's place in the Games to save her from certain death. The Games are bloody and awful, but there is a lesson to be learned here: watching violence is as condoning of it as if one was there participating in the gore one's self, and a world ruled by such entertainers is an immoral and evil world. We in the US, the book seems to be telling us, need to be on constant vigil against our own country becoming such a place.

So, yes, the book has a point, and is hard to put down. But I feel like the whole point of the book is ruined by the creation of a movie about the book. The lesson of the book is that watching humans kill for sport is a type of entertainment best left to those of ancient Rome watching sports in the Colosseum. And my thought is, here's a Catch 22: if you watch the movie and all that violence, are you really any better than the people in the Capitol or the Districts that support the Games? And the answer to that, I feel, is emphatically NO. I think even me finishing the book felt a little hypocritical on my part. That said, the end of the book being unfinished, there being two more books and me wanting to see the Hunger Games stopped for good, I may actually read the second two novels as well. But let me just say, I enjoyed the Traveling Pants novels by Ann Brashares much better as a book option for teens and adults. They may not be thrillers, but it's nice to read a book without violence.

music for the season

Watermelon Music is a fun place to be. I wandered in there the other day with friends (we were waiting for a movie to start) and instantly found two books of arrangements of musicals, my typical Watermelon fare. Then, after buying them, I realized they have holiday music on sale, including clarinet music with accompaniment. It's addicting to learn a new instrument... so much to explore, so much to try. I was good and stuck to my two musicals (today, Billy Joel's Movin' Out and Nunsense), but now I know where the clarinet arrangements are... :P Of course, with the musicians we have at church, it's quite likely that now that E has found his clarinet, we can just play straight out of the hymnal as a clarinet duo, playing the alto and soprano lines. Either way, I'm looking forward to playing the clarinet more often in church. It's been simpler for me to learn than other instruments like brass or flutes. I just need to branch out from pieces written in B flat... :P

yays and boos.

Yay! Dinner with a friend.

Boo! Late to rehearsal.

Yay! nifty new shoes in the mail.

Boo! Friends backing out of going to see a movie.

Yay! finding a new musical I haven't played thru yet.

Boo! Not getting any homework done.

Yay! People reading and responding to my blog.

Boo! Spending Friday night working on homework and cleaning the house.

Yay! Being alive.

I will leave this on the positive note, because today, for the very first day in a long time, I was happy to be living my own life and not someone else's. Yay!

vent about singing

Last night at rehearsal I was told that my voice is loud (high?) enough to shatter windows. I'm not sure whether to take this as a compliment or an insult... I'm fairly sensitive about my voice. I am always trying to make it better, which means experimenting with different sounds and the use / removal of vibrato. I started out as an alto in high school, sang second soprano for awhile and then became a soprano I in college, which I remain. I love love love singing high notes... there's a certain indescribable feeling that one feels when hitting them. But I've been told more than once recently that people hear me without a microphone as well as they hear others who are miked. In fact, one friend could hear me singing while they were in the bathroom at church... The main problem, of course, is that I cannot hear myself sing. However, I'm trying to listen and learn by what I hear from the speakers when I am miked. If you know me and have heard me sing, I would love pointers as to how to get the nicest sound. I fully believe I have the ability to be a good singer; I just need to keep practicing. So, don't be shy. Give me a comment.

footing the bill

It's interesting how the check gets split between a man and a woman. If you're with a friend, you either split the check or take turns footing the bill, if you see them on a regular enough basis that noone forgets who was last. If you're with a man, however, things get more complicated. If you want to stay friends and no more, you have to pay your half of the bill, always, like clockwork, so you don't owe him anything. If you like him as more than a friend, you still have to pay your half of the bill if you're going out as friends. If you tried to get him to pay and he wasn't going to, you've just embarrassed yourself by telling him implicitly you thought the meal was a date, when he very well could have thought it was just an outing with friends. So you don't dare not paying then. In fact, there are only two situations where he will pay. First, if he insists on paying, you don't have to pay unless (see situation one) you don't want anything more. Second, if you actually are going out, he should be paying for you at least part of the time. See how complicated this becomes? You have to worry about what he's thinking and guess his thoughts in almost all situations, which can be tricky. And these are just relationship rules for eating out... Life is so difficult!

school, illness and baby, but baby isn't sick

aaaaah! I'm behind one day in the month of writing, so today I'll have to put up two articles (hopefully on different subjects?). Since it was school and illness that kept me from writing yesterday, maybe I'll make them the subjects. School, when I can make it there, is going well. I love my classes this semester, and just when I think I can't load more studying on, I get a reprieve. For instance, one of my classes this week had no homework, as one class was cancelled and we're watching and discussing a movie in the other. This happened just as the rest of my classes were almost catching up with me and me not being able to do them all. Now I am happily catching up.

Illness is never interesting until you get to be 80 and then it becomes a game every week: Who's The Elderly Person with the MOST Aches and Pains??? I would certainly lose, because although I have felt under the weather sporadically recently, I have developed no cold, no flu and definitely no pigs-can-fly illness either. And now that I write this down (where is wood when I need to knock on it??), I shall develop all three. Such is life.

In other news, I have been holding a baby without breaking it successfully! I keep thinking that if I hold it too long it will squirm, and if it squirms I will drop it... but considering that it's only 6 pounds, it's pretty simple to engulf it in my arms and not let it go anywhere. We'll see what happens when it gets bigger.

Back to school again: I have figured out my schedule for studying for my three exams, but I have yet to figure out a good way to stick writing my paper in there. And preparing for trial (fake trial for class, not a real one yet). (Although I do love to tell people, "I am getting ready for my closing arguments today"....) Anybody have some good time-management tips for me?

Blog 1 of 2 ended. Blog 2 to come.

gender bias in the bands

Is it just me or are bands always made up of men? Rock bands, I mean (although marching bands have similar stats, it seems). Woman singing, men back her up. Man sings, men back HIM up. Seriously, when is the last time you saw a professional group with a girl drummer? What is up with that? At least girls have gotten over the guitar glass ceiling, and they often play piano as well. But usually, they do that if they're the ones singing. They're not so likely to do it as backup. What do we need to do to change this? Enroll your daughter in music lessons today... drums, guitar, bass, piano, doesn't matter. We need musically literate women to do something other than sing.

NaBloPoMo

It's National Blog Posting Month and just because the first letters of NBPM are my initials, I've decided to participate. So plan on hearing from me a lot this month... hopefully every day, something small but thoughtful is my goal. Thought for the day: costume pics after Halloween make up what percent of Facebook posts? That's right, 98.99999999 percent...

Remembering the Saints

Jack: you helped raise me, just like everyone in DLC's choir did. You were a role model, singing every Sunday and supporting Mary in her work and everything she did. You were someone to look up to, a good person to model my own life after. We miss you very much.

Don: you were taken from this world far too young. We will never forget your crazy skillz on the guitar, the bass, the harmonica... Whenever I sing "God of Wonders" or "Better is One Day" or "Shifting Sand" I remember you. You were kind and funny and helpful, and we miss you very much.

Readers: Don and Jack both died this year, joining the hosts of saints that have gone before us. Who do you remember this All Saints' Day?

The Ghost of Halloweens Past?

When I think about Halloween, I think about costumes and people. I think about what I've been and who I've shared it with.

I think about homemade costumes that were perfect (the big fat mouse, thx Mom, and the angel) and some that were not (Polychrome, daughter of the Rainbow who turned out to look more like a bag lady than anything else) (sorry, Mom). Then there was the year I was Pippi Longstocking with help from friends and a wire hanger that yes, I strung through my hair. And how many times I've been a black cat (3 or 4, I can't remember now).

But more than the costumes, I remember the people I spent those Halloweens with. How we toured each of each others' neighborhoods, how we traded candies at the end of the night so we each got what we really wanted, how I tried to leapfrog over a bike divider pole and ate asphalt near my friends's house. How I am so close to those memories-- physically, only two blocks away-- and yet so far, in time and in location both (that friend is moving back to the Bay very soon). Of course, I'm making new memories every year, and I'm enjoying new friends and their costumes and friendship just as I have celebrated every year with older ones. I just hope this Halloween will be one I can look back on and be happy with, another memory on the totem pole of life. That's all.

Murphy I curse you!

One pair of white pants.
Two coffee stains.
One spring roll tofu stain.
Three small stains on the pants, one great step for Murphy's Law.

churchy times

Church was nice tonight. I'm not happy with my life yet but it's certainly getting there. I went expecting to play the piano but since E was there I ended up singing a song instead. I now love Be Thou My Vision in a new way... yay for jazzed up piano accompaniments. And friendly people. The music was good, the message was interesting, I met two new people and enjoyed some homemade cookies. All in all, a good week at Crossings.

living life and trying to love it

I have to admit, although I've been thru some rough times recently, I am really enjoying how my life is going right now: things are gelling, goals seem closer and happiness seems like it's just a carrot-on-a-stick length away from me. Old friends, new friends, music, school, classmates, professors, music, activities, music, and music are all agreeing with me. Even my house, which normally feels like a disaster zone, is liveable and, dare I say, neat?

I have not blogged on here for awhile because I have been busy blogging for school credit at femlegaltheory.blogspot.com, which is a pretty awesome website where those of us in the class share thoughts, insights and weblinks about exciting and interesting feminist philosophies. And of course, school and friends and family takes up the rest of my life. I'll try to be more present on here though if anyone is actually reading it.

Despite not being where I wanted to be in life by this point in time in life, I have to say that I have had an excellent week and a half. Game nights and weddings and yogurt, oh my. Hanging out and movies and lunches, oh my. And so on and so forth. Sure, there are parts of my life that I would still trade away with any of my friends'... but if I traded my whole life away I'd miss out on some truly amazing friendships and a very supportive family. So what if I don't have *everything* I think will make me happy? I have a lot, and I am not working for McDonald's or a mine in Minnesota (we just watched Fast Food Women and North Country in Fem Legal Theory). So life? Not all that bad.

I think every day is a new adventure, and one of the things I've been doing recently is trying to record which adventures make me happiest. I discovered this summer that swing dancing makes me happy, so I've been trying to go once a week since the discovery. Taboo (a game) makes me happy too. So does drawing funny looking cartoon people. Hanging out with friends at Yoloberry. Eating Ethiopian food. Writing songs and singing them. Listening to live standup comedy. It's all good, and I'm trying to repeat the stuff that makes me glad to be alive. Everything else, I put into the background, and just do what is absolutely necessary to be done. We don't have long to live on this earth, and I want to use that short time to do stuff that makes for good memories in the long run. Stuff that makes me happy, stuff that makes me proud of myself, nothing I would change if I went back into the past. It's not easy, but it's my goal. What about you, readers? What makes you happy? I'd love to hear it.

Books!

Well, I just got home from the local library booksale, as of an hour or two ago, and I'm well pleased with what I found:
1. an organ magazine with tunes from the Romantic era set for organ that I can play at church;
2. two Anne of Green Gables books, the good ones (the early ones!) and
3. more language learning books than I care to admit that I've bought.

The prize treasure of the foreign language book is a devotional book entitled "Actos de Fe" (whoops, almost wrote "feo" which would mean something quite different!), with a different and short devotional for every day of the year... in Spanish! :) I already have a devotional (for lawyers) but it's going to run out sooner since it goes in weeks and not days, and who says I can't do two? Praising God should be endless... or so said my devotional for last week.

I also found and have already read a little children's book in Spanish about a man who sells hats, and the trouble that befalls him when he falls asleep under a tree full of monkeys. Muy amusante...

The last (but not only) treasure was a cookbook half in Chinese, half English. I found at least one vegetarian recipe, so will have to try that. I am so very excited at the prospect of reading these books... and yes, I will get my legal reading finished too. Who says I can't take breaks? It's summer!!!

So, for all of you who have that book on the shelf that you just haven't managed to make time for, I encourage you to read it. A little bit of it. A page of it. Just read!

Plant Update

So this morning after Dad bought a box for me Mom and I planted my new stuff. We had potting soil, a watering can, a source of water and a front porch to use, so it went pretty smoothly. It's fun putting the potting soil in and then scooping out the hole JUST the right size and then coddling the plant out of its box and into its new home. We talked through the process JUST loud enough that the neighborhood kids became interested in what we were doing, so much so that when one of their moms came cycling around the corner and asked what they were doing, one little boy said, "Planting!" They were not... they were just playing quietly across the street. So I knew then that they were watching, and learning, a little. Our houses have no back yards and the plants are taken care of by the homeowner's association for the most part, so some of these kids may never have had a gardening experience before. Of course I enjoyed the process even if we hadn't had them watching listening and learning... now I have a reason to bop around my front yard every day and talk to the neighbors. Garden, and sweep.... and garden, and sweep... And I have chives and strawberries and lemon balm. And I noticed I have enough room in the front to add at least two if not three more boxes, if I can keep the first box alive that is.... we'll see.

plants are life in so many ways

Bought plants today. There's this amazing herb I had never heard of before called lemon balm... it's an herb but it tastes just like lemon, only mintier. I plan to use it to make homemade pesto for pasta. I'm really excited about it. It's now my favorite herb (less than 8 hours after finding out about it and buying some). I also got strawberries and garlic chives. I know, bad breath, but it tastes so goooood. I have officially gone vegetarian (my third try, mind you), so if you have some good recipes, I'm searching for something, anything I can eat other than omelettes and polenta. Plants are awesome. I'm currently enjoying some O2 fresh from the beautiful trees outside the door right this minute. Yay for air.

happy to live in this world

Life is like a coloring book. You find out all the cool colors and how you can use them and at first, you color EVERYWHERE and it's outside the lines and it doesn't match the picture and it's messy. But then you learn where the lines are and how to keep it contained and you put the picture together in a creative yet controlled fashion. And that's when you truly become an adult... when you get the colors to work together to create a wonderful picture, and that wonderful picture is your life, with different parts of it fitting neatly into the entire whole.

Music joke of the day (thank you, Grandma!): A doctor is talking to his patient. He is holding a box filled with musical notes. He clears his throat and says, "Well, the surgery was a tremendous success. As you can see here, we have completely removed the song that was stuck in your head."

taking care of business

Well, I have to say (and I may regret this Thursday) I do feel ready for our Business final. Kudos to all my friends who I have studied with and my family as well. In an interesting way, talking through the class with my parents tonight somewhat simulated the exam itself.

I spent an uneventful half hour with my mother, where she quizzed me on case names and rules. She tag-teamed with my dad, and I thought I'd do the same thing with him, but he interrupted me by saying he didn't think it would be good to talk about this stuff with him because he is singularly disillusioned with the state of business law in the country (hope I'm not misquoting him here). I told him he was wrong and that this is the very meat of what we've been learning, and we spent an intense half hour of me going systematically through my knowledge and explaining where he was right about the state of things and where he was wrong, where the law is actually improving things right before our eyes, and where it has some room for improvement. Telling him where the law is a little unreasonable and where it's making strides to improving all our lives. And I have to say, debating policy issues with someone who's been out there, who has experienced life and businesses in a very real and personal way, is completely different from debating theory in a classroom or a study session with friends. And yet the two of us were both happy at the end of our debate. My dad was impressed that I was able to keep up my end of the conversation so well with so many illustrative examples. He was also impressed at the changes in the law that I informed him about, reasons to hope in the midst of corruption. And I was happy that I had not only kept up in the conversation, but was able to explain exactly what the law is and how things are progressing in the law to create such hope.

All in all, I feel like I went through my own miniature version of the exam tonight in the discussions with my parents: first, the cerebral issue spotting and second, the emotion-filled policy question. I just hope it goes as well on the real exam. But however I do on paper, I feel like I really did learn something-- a few things-- this semester. And that feels good.